DO YOU LIKE OR DISLIKE LEBRON'S SHOWBOATING STANCE AFTER THE BLOCK?

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Award-winning singer-songwriter and producer Anthony Hamilton and his wife Tarsha are the kind of couple you love to root for. They’re cut from the same cloth — both soul singers who belt out each note from the heart and cherish family first — and they’ve succeeded at life’s biggest balancing act: a happy, harmonious marriage.

The two met when she auditioned to sing background for him. She eventually got the gig — and his heart. Two years later, he proposed at her home church in Cleveland after getting permission from her siblings and pastor. (Swoon!) They’ll celebrate eight years of marriage this August, and today they are parents to two-year-old twin boys and an 11-month-old baby boy — making Hamilton the proud papa of six sons in total. With such passion for fatherhood and marriage, the Hamiltons were the perfect choice for inclusion in best-selling author Gil Robertson’s new anthology Where Did Our Love Go: Love and Relationships in the African American Community. In the book, they contribute their thoughts on the beauty of commitment and marriage — in her essay she shares her experiences as a new wife and mother, and in his he discusses the confidence and willingness it takes to truly make marriage work.

After reading them, we just had to check in with the happy couple for more inspiring words of wisdom. We caught the Mrs. at home in North Carolina while Hamilton phoned in from Alabama, where he has been recording a Christmas album.

ESSENCE.COM: You both talk alot about spirituality being the foundation in your marriage. How does it work for you?
ANTHONY HAMILTON: It’s a foundation for both of us to go to when we need that extra help or extra influence. There are always challenges and work to be done, even with that foundation but spirituality is a centerpiece for us. It’s a good centerpiece for our identity as husband and wife.

TARSHA MCMILLAN: When you stay connected to the spiritual side of things, it definitely helps to keep the relationship grounded. Our schedules conflict a lot so we don’t get to attend church together. That’s why it’s so important to us to have that relationship and that connection even outside of the church.

YOU DISRESPECT YOUR FAMILY

If you and your mom tend to get into yelling fits on the phone, don't call your mom in front of a guy. Men have a special place in their hearts for mamas - they typically would never disrespect theirs and find it a deal breaker if you disrespect yours.

ALL YOUR PICTURES ARE CLUBBING PICTURES

This screams the opposite of girlfriend/wife material. Remember: people perceive the things you take photos of as the things that you prioritize. Which means if you're dancing on tables in all your photos or popping champagne in limos, he immediately sees that your work and relationships (and health) come second to that.

YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR EX

Like, at all. Seriously, some men see red the second you mention the existence of an ex. Nothing is more emasculating than being a rebound so men are terrified of that prospect. Even if you're just telling an innocent story about a memory, save it.

YOU CAN'T COOK

Yup! They are this old fashioned. Plenty of men admit they won't date a woman who cannot cook. Not only do they openly say they want someone who can cook for them, but they also feel that if a grown woman can't make anything more than mac and cheese, this reflects directly on how well she takes care of herself.

YOU WORRY TOO MUCH

You assume there are ten hidden meanings behind every one thing he says. Every time you get together, it turns out you have a pile of issues that have surmounted since you've been apart that you need him to address for you. If you're a worrier, he worries he has to constantly be on damage control. And most men don't want to deal with that.

YOU REFUSE TO EAT FAST FOOD

You don't need to (and shouldn't be) frequenting drive through's every week, but if you absolutely refuse to just eat the fries he is offering you, this instantly tells him you never break a rule, you never go against routine, and you don't take risks. BO-ring.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT YOURSELF TOGETHER

We're not saying you have to flat iron your air and cake on foundation every time you step out of the house. In fact, most men don't like that. But, it's not cute (as you may have otherwise thought) to wear sweatpants and a messy bun everywhere. This makes you look immature. Men are embarrassed to walk around with the swamp monster.

YOU REQUIRE CONSTANT CONTACT

If he doesn't text you for half a day, you get angry, or send him a text asking if he's dead. Men cannot put up with the stress of remembering to text you at set increments of time, all so you don't freak out.

YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS...ANYTHING AT ALL

You think it's harmless fun and you're just gossiping with the girls. But for some men, what happens in your relationship - from the most innocent, inconsequential things to the most private - is all private. Some men feel completely betrayed if they hear you saying one word to a friend about your relationship.

YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE. EVEN ONCE.

Many men have a no-yelling rule. And if you break it just once, you're out. Some guys have no tolerance for a woman with a temper, and yelling is the ultimate sign of losing yours.

YOU HAVE A PROMISCUOUS PAST

You never cheated on anyone, and you were always safe about your health, but you got around in your day. For some men, this is a no-go. It doesn't matter how respectable and nice you are now; they just can't handle a woman with a reputation like that.

YOU'RE NOT INTO PDA

Men like to set the pace on PDA. Even if they're not really into it, they don't like when a woman completely keeps her hands off them in public. They like to have the option for PDA, should the mood strike them. Having you set the pace makes them feel emasculated, and neglected.

YOU DON'T TAKE HIS SIDE IN PUBLIC

It's okay if you think what he just said is completely stupid, uneducated and juvenile. But you are not to say that in front of other people. If he backs himself into a wall, you go pry him out. You don't line up with the others to laugh at him. Most men won't stand for this.

YOU GET BLACK OUT DRUNK

You'd think men like a woman who can party, right? Sort of. But men don't like the idea of a girlfriend who doesn't know what she's doing, and doesn't remember how she got home. On the nights they don't party with you, that idea gives them major anxiety.

""""""""Chris I have been in a relationship with my fiancé for four years. I love him very much. But he is addicted to pornography, and he refuses to give it up.
I was under the impression he had given up his porn habit after we had made our commitment to one another, but I have learned that he still views porn frequently.

He apologized and promised to purge everything. Unfortunately, several times since then, the same situation has played out.
It disgusts me and is hurtful to me as a woman. This last time I caught him, I almost broke up with him because he lied about it, and I also learned he was checking out an adult dating site.

I've given him an ultimatum before to choose between me and the porn.
On some level I feel as if it's my fault. I decided I wanted to wait until we are married to have sex, and I wonder if he's looking for something he's not getting from me, even though he swore up and down it didn't go beyond looking.
I don’t want to leave or lose him, but I’m afraid this will extend into our marriage.
What should I do?"""""""""

Wow!!!! No need for me to elaborate, y'all #GoIn...

Have you recently gone on a first date with a beautiful woman, and you thought s*** was good, but you have yet to get that second date? Here is a list of what women look for in giving a dude a second shot.

THIS WAS TAKEN FROM A WOMAN'S MAGAZINE, SO ALL THE WOMAN ARE PRETTY MUCH LOOKING FOR THE SAME THINGS. TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THEY ARE BEING TAUGHT WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MAN BELOW:

HOW WAS THE CONVERSATION?

While you were talking throughout the date, how did the conversation go? Were there a lot of awkward silences? Were you two able to sustain a worthwhile conversation? Though first date conversations are bound to be a bit awkward at times, think about how well you two were able to talk and what about. If things went well, that's a good sign.

DID YOU CLICK?

After the first date, you should have a good idea as to whether or not the two of you had a connection or not. If there was a connection, definitely consider going on a second date and seeing if things can get even better. If there wasn't a strong vibe sent between you two and you feel like he'd make a better friend than a boyfriend, don't go on another date as you'll be leading him on, and that can lead to bad feelings in the end.

DO YOU STILL FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE?

During the first date, some men can do things that are immediate turn offs, no matter how fine he is - for instance, a man who burps all throughout dinner without a care in the world. If your date is still pretty attractive in your eyes, that means that he didn't do anything major to turn you off from him.

WERE YOU BORED ON THE DATE?

If you were ever bored at one point during the date, then something isn't exactly right. Being bored on a date means that you two weren't able to connect in a way that you could keep each other entertained and interested for a few hours. Think about what made you bored. Was it the lack of good conversation, which can be blamed on it being the first date? Or does this man generally seem like a dud?

DID YOU FEEL SAFE AROUND HIM?

Being able to feel safe around someone is a good feeling. It's even better when you're able to feel safe during the first date. If you felt intimidated or at any type of risk during the date, definitely don't get yourself involved in the same situation again. You want to go on dates with a guy who makes you feel safe. There's nothing worse than feeling unsafe on a date because he's aggressive or just overly weird.

DO YOU HAVE THINGS IN COMMON?

Having similar hobbies and interests with someone is crucial if you're going to continue to go on dates and spend more time together. If you two had plenty of things in common, definitely go for a second date and see what else you two may have alike. If you only had a few things in common or nothing at all, going on a second date may be pointless. You can't make someone like the same things you like, and vice versa.

IS HE BOYFRIEND MATERIAL?

After dating other men, you should have a pretty clear picture of the type of guy that fits your boyfriend mold. Does this guy have the personality traits that you look for in a partner? Is he someone that you could see yourself dating? If the answer is yes, spend more time together. If not, there is no use in going on dates with someone only to waste your time and energy, as well as his.

DID HE MAKE YOU LAUGH?

If a guy can't make you laugh, especially on the first date, it's definitely something you want to keep in mind. Being able to laugh together and at each other shows that the two of you can be lighthearted when you're around each other. However, if most of your date was kept with a straight face, don't bother going on another one. You want a guy who can make you laugh.

WAS HE A GENTLEMAN?

Did he open doors for you? Did he speak to you without calling you baby? Was he able to keep his eyes focused on your face and not other parts of your body? While some guys put on the act of a gentleman, most men who show chivalrous acts tend to be the ones who will truly treat you like a queen.

DID HE FOCUS ON YOU?

A lot of guys have that crazy medical condition of having to check out every single female in the room. Of course, it's natural that a man will look at other people, including women, but you want to make sure that the guy you're going on dates with actually focused on you. If your date was texting or making a lot of phone calls, or if he was flirting with the waitress and eyeballing everyone else in the room, don't plan for another date.

HAS HE CONTACTED YOU SINCE?

When a guy sends you a text message or calls you after the first date, he is clearly interested in you, and if the feeling is mutual, you should go on more dates. Having a guy that is willing to initiate communication with you shows that he wants to see you again. If your first date with a guy was last week and you haven't heard from him in two weeks, it's obvious that he isn't interested in what you have to offer. Move on!

WERE THERE ANY RED FLAGS?

As a woman, some definite things will set off a red flag in your mind. During the date, did your partner say or do anything that immediately signaled a red flag in your mind? Is he a smoker? Is he divorced? Does he have a lot of children? Does he live at home with his parents? Whatever the red flag may be, keep tabs on how many there are throughout the night. If there are red flags that you can't accept, a second date is a waste.

DID IT FEEL RIGHT?

Throughout the entirety of the date, you'll know whether or not things feel right. If the second you walked in and met your date you felt comfortable and safe, it's safe to say that things are off to a good start. However, if you felt a little off and not really sure about the guy you were on a date with, you may want to reconsider going on another date. There's nothing worse than going on a date with someone and dealing with a weird atmosphere. Trust your intuition.

DOES SOMEONE ELSE PEAK YOUR INTEREST MORE?

If you're in the dating stage of things, it's likely that you have also gone on dates with other men recently. Has one of the other guys been on your mind? Do you think that someone else that you've spent time with may be a better match and more worthy of your time? If you are drawn to one man more than any of the others, trust your gut instinct and focus on him.

“…There are some artists who make drug references just to look cool, or just trying to appeal to somebody, right? But sh*t, dude, people have been doing that forever. It’s not even about drugs, it can be about anything—cars, whips, jewelry. Artists make music, and some artists talk about sh*t that they really live, but it’s on the listener to decipher if it’s real and if they really f*ck with it or if they’re going along with it because everyone else is. That’s how this game is set up, man. You’ve got people who want to hear about the sh*t that they want, but not the sh*t that they need to hear about. People don’t want to hear positive raps as much as people want to hear negative rap.

“Well, consistently talking about violence, and drugs and b*tches, that’s not the “right thing” to talk about, from a Godly standpoint or from a moral standpoint. But that’s what people want to hear! Like, how many positive rappers are really making it these days?

“But I wasn’t telling you to do molly, I was just telling you about my experience.”

James goes on to say he can’t be blamed if kids start using Molly or even die from the drug:

 “When I made that song I wasn’t thinking about the kid who was going to listen to the song. I was just speaking about my life, and if you can relate, great. But why can’t you relate to the line, “Count your blessings?” No, you want to relate to ,”‘Popped a molly, I’m sweatin’.’” That’s not my fault, you chose to listen and focus on the drug reference. That’s on you, my n*gga. I don’t feel no type of sympathy or anything, because at the end of the day I know what’s right and wrong. I’ve done wrong and I’ve done right, but these people who do stupid sh*t and blame it on rap… get the h*ll out of here. It’s your choice if you want to pull out a gun. I’ll say this though, the music does have an influence, I’m not going to say it doesn’t. But you still have a choice and a conscience that God gave you. So it’s on you.”

At least he’s honest but it’s sad so many rappers feel this way. Thank goodness everyone’s not a coward though and good music/rap still exists.

DISCUSSION!!!!!

REMIX!!!!!!!!!!!!